Forever Loved
by cuz-CM's-awesome
Summary: Penelope's life has been turned upside down, now she must rely on her closest friends to get her through what lies ahead. Team Fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds and I'm not making any money off of this story. **

**Summary: Penelope's life has been turned upside down, now she must rely on her closest friends to get her through what lies ahead. **

**I don't know where exactly this came from, I just sat down and started writing and this is what I came up with. Not my usual, but I hope you all like it. Feedback would be appreciated. **

**Quote that inspired this story: "If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't like you. If I hadn't liked you, I wouldn't love you. If I hadn't loved you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do and I will." By Anonymous **

…

Penelope's hands shook as she rummaged through her bathroom cabinet looking for her pills. As her fingers found them a coughing fit overtook her. She covered her mouth as coughs wracked her body, her eyes watering from pain.

When the fit was finally over she leaned back against the wall and slid to the floor. She wiped blood from her mouth while her other hand tightly held her pill bottle. She calmed herself down and popped the lid open; she swallowed down a single tablet and then closed her eyes.

She was dying.

She had stage 4 metastatic non-small cell lung cancer and the kicker was she had never smoked a day in her life.

Not only was the lung cancer killing her but it had also spread to her liver and ovaries, and there was no cure.

Her doctor had given her a year to live and that was three months ago. They were trying different treatments to prolong her fate but the disease would eventually kill her.

Penelope had been getting headaches and experiencing shortness of breath a few months before she went to her doctor. Given her busy schedule she hadn't had time to go get checked out and had just ignored it. But then one evening, as she was getting ready for bed, she had an intense coughing fit and had ended up coughing up blood.

That's when she had known it was serious, the next day she had asked Hotch for a day off and booked an appointment with her doctor. When she had explained her symptoms her doctor had frowned and ordered some tests immediately.

It had taken a week to get the results back and when the doctor's office got them her doctor had called her in to deliver the bad news.

Penelope regretted with all her heart not going to see the doctor sooner, if she had she might have had a chance but as it was she was told that the survival rate for patients with the type of cancer she had was sadly less than forty percent in an eight month time period.

Penelope wiped a tear from her eye as she sat on her bathroom floor. She had to get up and get ready for work but she was so tired. Her treatments drained a lot out of her and she wished she could just curl up in bed and go to sleep but she knew her team needed her.

She hadn't told any of them yet and working with profilers it wasn't the easiest feat in the least but Penelope just couldn't bring herself to tell them. She didn't think she could handle their devastation. She was barely holding herself together as it was.

She just wanted to live the rest of the time she had left with the team, her family, without the hurt of having them know too.

That didn't mean that they hadn't figured out something was wrong. They were profilers for goodness sakes. Penelope did her very best to hide it from them but she knew that they knew that there was something wrong, even if they didn't know what exactly it was.

They had all tried getting it out of her, each in their own way. Emily had demanded Penelope tell her outright. Derek had tried to coax it out of her. JJ had tried to cunningly get it out of her by sneakily bringing it up in another conversation. Spencer had been his cute self and told her that he was concerned for her. Dave had tried to wear her down, and Aaron had told her discretely that he was always there for her if she needed someone to talk to. However none of them had succeeded, though Penelope had to admit that she had almost told Spencer when he had tried, instead she had to make a quick escape before she broke down in tears.

She honestly thought it would be easier for them not to know.

Taking a deep breath she picked herself off the floor and walked back to the sink. She opened her makeup bag and began to go through her daily routine.

She had dark circles under her eyes that she had to cover up and she had dropped in weight so she had taken to wearing very loose fitting clothes. She still tried to dress in her unique, colorful style, she knew the team would be shocked and figure out just how serious her secret was if she stopped but damn it was tiresome.

It took her almost an hour to get ready and she had to force herself to eat something before she left for the office.

She received concerned looks as soon as she entered the conference room, however after getting them for weeks on end she was used to them.

"Morning," she said and then clicked on her laptop, the projector started up and Penelope's file on the case they would be heading to next popped up on the board. Penelope debriefed the team, all the while internally coaching herself to keep going; she could feel pains in her chest and shortness of breath coming on.

When she was finally done, she leaned over to pick up her laptop and cringed. Her face was hidden from the team but she felt like she was going to pass out and just hoped she could hold on long enough for the team to leave.

"Wheels up in thirty," Aaron said and Penelope heard the rest of the team begin to gather up their things.

Penelope straightened and found that Aaron was the only one left in the room with her.

"Sir," she said with a slight nod "I'll get right on the background checks of the victims." Then she went to leave the room.

Before she could she felt a gentle hand land on her arm.

She looked up at her boss and could see sadness in his eyes.

"Penelope," he said, which he rarely called her "we all know something is bothering you, please let us help you."

"I don't know what you're talking about Sir" Penelope answered.

Aaron sighed but let his hand drop from her arm and just stood watching as she walked away from him.

…

It was four days later. The team had wrapped up the case in New Jersey and were on their way home. Penelope was cleaning up her desk when she felt a stabbing pain in her chest and had to sit down. She tried to breathe through the pain. When the pain had dulled Penelope sighed and ran her hands through her hair.

She gasped when her fingers caught on a knot and instead of sliding through after a moment; a large clump of hair fell out.

Penelope brought her hands to her face and stared at her golden locks between her fingers.

It hit her then.

Up until that point it seemed so surreal but at that moment she had to acknowledge the truth.

Tears slid freely and unbidden down her face, sobs tore from her in despair as she clutched at the stands of hair, she rocked herself back and forth.

Once she started she couldn't stop. She didn't know how much time had passed but at some point she just barely recognized the sound of the door to her office opening and feet treading across the floor.

"Kitten?"

Penelope sniffed, Dave then, he was the only one who called her that.

"Are you okay?" Dave asked.

Penelope knew she had to come clean, she couldn't do this anymore.

She looked up at him with tears still rolling down her cheeks and almost whimpered at the look on his face. Her tremblingly fingers held out her blonde hair to him and a look of understanding dawned on his face.

"Oh Penelope," he whispered bending down on one knee and pulling her into a hug. She let him hug her and cried into his shoulder.

"I'm dying," her voice was quiet when she finally spoke, he just held her tighter.

"How long?" he said choked up.

"Nine months, if I'm lucky" Penelope answered.

"Oh god Kitten, why didn't you tell us?" Dave pulled back so he could look her in the eye.

"I…I couldn't, I don't know why but I just…I wanted to protect you all from it" Penelope said.

Dave understood but he still wished Penelope had told them; he couldn't imagine going through it alone.

Dave held her for a long time, neither of them talked.

After a while Penelope sighed and said "I'm tired."

Dave looked into her face and could see just how tired she was. He stood and then proceeded to help her up. "You're coming home with me tonight," Dave stated "I don't want you being alone tonight."

Penelope was too tired to protest and truthfully she didn't want to be alone either.

She leaned against him, allowing him to support her fully since she felt as though she was going to pass out.

He led her out of her office and down the hall. When they reached the elevators the whole team was there waiting. They were shocked to see the state she was in.

"Penelope…what?" Derek said taking a step towards them.

Dave shot him a look that stopped him in his tracks "I'll explain but first we have to get Penelope home…" a sad expression crossed his face and he felt his own eyes water "She's really sick."

No one said anything but Derek moved forward to help Dave support Penelope so they could get her downstairs.

When the elevator's doors slid open and the rest of the team followed Dave, Penelope and Derek, they got a shock when they saw the bald spot from Penelope's missing hair and knew just how bad of shape their friend really was in.


	2. Chapter 2

**Don't Own. **

**Please R&R **

**Enjoy! **

**…**

Two months later Penelope laid in a large king sized bed in Dave's guest bedroom.

Ever since the team had found out about her cancer she had been living with Dave and was working from home.

The team had tried to talk her out of continuing working but Penelope wouldn't have any of it. She said she wanted to continue helping the team until she physically couldn't anymore. She didn't want to be babied or treated differently. She promised she would continue to go to the hospital to receive her treatments and on days she honestly wasn't feeling up to working she would tell them and allow another tech to help out, but she was determined to keep at it and help the team out.

Penelope had just figured out where the victims' missing cars were so she picked up her phone and dialed Derek's number.

"Baby Girl?" Derek asked picking up.

"Hey Hot Stuff," Penelope said "Just found out that two of the victims' cars were spotted on a lot down at the marina, I'm sending you the ad…" Penelope couldn't finish as she began to cough. Her breath was taken from her and she tried to stop but just couldn't catch her breath.

"Baby Girl…Penelope," Derek called worriedly "are you okay?"

When she had finally stopped coughing she let out a sob as pain filled her chest.

"Baby?" Derek tried again, he seemed frantic.

"I'm sorry Derek," Penelope replied hoarsely "don't worry I'm fine."

Penelope knew that Derek didn't believe her but instead he said "Don't scare me like that."

"I'll try not to, I'm sorry" Penelope said again.

Derek sighed "Don't be, I know it's not your fault, I'm just…I'm scared for you."

"Oh Sweetness," Penelope said "I know you are but I don't want you to be."

Penelope could hear the emotion in Derek's voice, heard the catch in his voice when he continued "Hey Silly Girl, I love you, you know that right?" he said repeating the words he had said to her four years before.

"Of course I do Lovebug," Penelope replied "I love you to."

"You're the best friend I've ever had Penelope and I don't know where I'd be without you" Derek stated.

Penelope bit her lip and told herself not to cry "Derek," she whined "you're going to turn me into a blubbering mess."

Derek chuckled "Sorry," he said playfully then Penelope could hear someone in the background and Derek said regretfully "I've got to go Baby, talk you soon."

"Bye," Penelope got out before he hung up.

…

Penelope woke up to a soft knock on her door. The case had finished up a few hours ago and she had fallen asleep.

Penelope yawned and pushed herself up in bed "Come in!" she called.

Penelope smiled when she saw who it was.

Spencer stood in the doorway with shy smile.

"Hey Penelope," he said quietly "I'm not disturbing you am I?"

"Of course not Boy Genius, I love your company, come on in" Penelope said genuinely.

Spencer grinned and walked over to her bed, he pulled up a chair that was beside it and sat down.

"How are you doing?" Spencer asked.

"Ah, I've had better days," Penelope said with a sigh "but I'm okay. Are you the only one here?"

"Well Rossi is downstairs, he gave me a ride, but the rest of the gang will be here shortly, they just went to pick up dinner since everyone is a bit too tired to cook."

Penelope nodded "How are you doing Spencer?"

Spencer looked down at his hands for a moment before looking back up at Penelope; he had tears in his eyes which he tried to blink away.

"Oh Spencer," Penelope said reaching out to grab his hand and held it tightly.

"I'm sorry," Spencer whispered "I don't want to upset you any more than you already are…maybe I should go."

Penelope's hand tightened around his "No, I don't want you to go, you can talk to me. This is hard for all of us and you're not upsetting me. I'd rather you talk to me about it than hold it all in and make yourself crazy."

Spencer moved closer, his other hand came to rest over hers "Penelope, I don't know how to deal with this."

"I know," Penelope said to him "It's taken me a long time to come to terms with it too."

"I can't imagine our lives without you," Spencer said "I don't want to. I just keep wishing there was something that we could do."

Tears fell from Spencer's eyes as he blinked and Penelope moved closer to the end of the bed. She beckoned for Spencer to come closer to her. He got out of his chair and sat beside her on the bed. She wrapped her arms around him and held him as he cried.

Penelope hated to see Spencer sad; she didn't want to put the genius or any other member of the team through this, that's why she hadn't wanted to tell them in the first place.

Spencer's tears subsided after a few minutes of silence.

"I'm sorry," Spencer said again.

Penelope hugged him tighter "You shouldn't be," she said.

Spencer didn't say anything for a while and then he turned to Penelope and tentatively asked "You're really okay with it?"

"Okay with what Sugar?" Penelope asked.

Spencer paused for a moment before quietly saying "Dying."

"Honestly, I guess I'm not okay with it exactly. I know it's going to happen and know I can't do anything about it so I'm resigned to it but not really okay with it."

Penelope looked over at Spencer; she saw the vulnerability in his face and found herself admitting something that she hadn't told anyone else "I'm really just scared."

"Scared?" Spencer asked.

"Yeah, I'm scared to die," she said quietly "scared of what will happen after. If anything will, you know? I'm afraid that I'll die and that will be it. That there will be no heaven, just darkness, loneliness."

Spencer squeezed her hand "When Tobias Hankel killed me, for those first few minutes before he brought me back to life I saw light and felt at peace. It was a happy feeling and I had this moment where I knew everything would be okay. I could feel myself rising up but then all of a sudden I could breathe again. I've analyzed those moments over and over again since it happened. For the longest time I didn't believe in God or heaven, everything I knew told me that it wasn't possible but I've come to believe that I truly was experiencing the afterlife."

Penelope listened to him eagerly.

Spencer turned to her "I hope that eases some of your anxiety."

"It really does Spencer, thank you," Penelope said and she hugged him again.

A few seconds later there was another knock on the door. It slowly opened to reveal Dave, he smiled at the two on the bed before saying "The rest of the team just got here, they're setting everything up at the dining room table. Are you feeling up to joining us Penelope?"

"Yes," Penelope said instantly, she was tired but she wanted to spend all the time she could with the team before it was too late.

Spencer helped her up and then followed Dave as he led her down to the dining room.

Everyone smiled at her and said their hellos and asked her how she was doing as she sat down at the table.

Penelope smiled back, she knew they had only been gone for a few days but she really had missed them.

Then they sat down to eat and even though Penelope didn't have much of an appetite, really she just ended up picking at her food, she enjoyed the company. It was like old times when they used to go out after a case. Lots of laughs were shared and by the end of the night Penelope knew she was blessed to have these wonderful people in her life.

…

The next week, on Friday night, after Penelope had a bad day caused by her chemotherapy, there was a soft knock on her door.

Penelope groaned into her pillow but rolled over and called out "Come in."

The door opened and both JJ and Emily walked in carrying two large grocery bags each.

Penelope frowned, wondering what her friends were up to.

"Hey Pen," JJ said sitting down on the end of her bed "Rossi said you had a tough day, feeling any better?"

Penelope rubbed a hand over her face "Well the nausea finally settled down about an hour ago and I was able to get some sleep, so I am feeling a bit better."

JJ gave her a sad smile "We're sorry we couldn't be there with you, but we were thinking about you."

"Don't worry," Penelope said "I understand, it's bad enough I took Dave from you guys, I'm sure you could have really used him today."

Emily chuckled "Not with the horrible mood he would have been in from having to leave you. Besides, as you probably know, he was still working the case. I think he probably enjoyed a day were he didn't have to race around catching bad guys, especially with his old joints."

"Hey!" the three women startled and looked to the door to see Dave standing there with a tray that held three margarita glasses "I'll have you know that these old joints still work perfectly good, but I was happy to stay with you Penelope."

Penelope smiled at him "Thanks Dave."

He walked in and placed the tray on the bedside table, then he leaned down and placed a kiss on Penelope's forehead before straightening "Now you ladies have fun tonight, though please try to keep the giggles to a minimum, I am right down the hall you know" he teased good-naturedly.

When he was gone Penelope looked to the nightstand "Uh guys, you know I'm not allowed to have alcohol right?"

"You're not?" Emily asked in mock surprise then she chuckled and handed on of the glasses to Penelope "Well it's a good thing these are filled with orange juice and sprite then. Our own virgin margaritas, not as fun as the real thing, but they'll have to do."

Penelope laughed and took a small sip from her glass "Mmm yummy," she said before placing it back on the nightstand. She looked to JJ and saw that her friend was pulling out magazines, facial supplies and other goodies from the bags she had carried in.

"Girls' Night?" Penelope asked.

"Girls' Night," both JJ and Emily agreed at the same time causing all three women to laugh.

"We knew you couldn't come out so we brought the party to you," Emily said "it will be just like old times.

'Yeah except for the fact that I'm stuck in bed dying of cancer and my hair is falling out' Penelope thought negatively but managed to push those thoughts away. It was nice of Emily and JJ to do this for her, she didn't want to be a Grumpy Gus and ruin the night.

She felt a gentle hand on her arm and looked up at Emily; it seemed her friend had figured out where her trail of thoughts was leading, damn profilers.

"It will be fun, I promise and don't worry we know you're tired so we won't keep you up too late" Emily told her.

Penelope closed her eyes for a second and then gave her friend a sad smile "I'm sorry, I know it will be, I've just had a hard day."

Both Emily and JJ sat down on the bed, one on each side of her "We know Pen and we're sorry you have to go through this."

Penelope sighed "I mean Dave had to hold my hair back today…well what's left of it anyways, as I threw up, gosh it was so embarrassing."

JJ ran a comforting hand down Penelope's arm as their friend stared down at a few strands of blonde hair, it seemed like more and more was falling out every day. JJ shot Emily a look and the brunette nodded. She lent down and pulled something out of one of the bags.

Penelope looked up as Emily held it out and her eyes widened.

"A…a razor?" Penelope asked.

Emily nodded "We thought that it would be easier for you, instead of watching your hair slowly fall out, to just get it over with."

Penelope bit her lip as she took in the pink, electric razor, looking almost menacing as it sat in Emily's hand.

"But you don't have to of course," JJ said squeezing her hand "we thought we'd just leave you with the option."

"No," Penelope said "no, you're right; I think it would be easier than waking up every morning with hair on my pillow and having to hold back tears."

"You sure?" Emily asked "We don't want to pressure you, we'd understand if you didn't want to do it."

Penelope took a moment before looking into Emily's eyes and exhaling a deep breath "Do it," she stated.

"Okay," Emily nodded and JJ picked up the waste basket to catch the hairs.

Emily stood and found a place to plug the razor in; she gave Penelope a reassuring look before turning it on. Penelope closed her eyes tightly and reached out her hand for JJ's, JJ squeezed back tightly and Penelope nodded her head.

For the next twenty minutes Emily shaved Penelope's head. She was slow and gentle, her touch caring as a few tears slipped down Penelope's cheek.

When she was done she handed Penelope a small mirror.

Penelope took it and bit her lip as she stared at herself, she barely recognized the person staring back at her.

"I think you look beautiful," JJ said.

"I agree one hundred percent," Emily replied.

"Guys," Penelope said "you don't have to do that."

"Do what?" Emily asked "I was being honest; I think it brings out the blue in your eyes."

Penelope laughed at that, then she turned to her two bestest girlfriends in the world and beckoned them forwards for a three person hug.

"I love you guys," she whispered.

They hugged her back tighter, none of them ever wanting to let go.

Finally Penelope pulled away and wiped a tear from her eye "What do you say we get this girls' night started? Tell me, any new office gossip?"

JJ laughed "How did I know you were going to ask that?"

"Well you are a profiler," Penelope said with a laugh.

They stayed up half the night, giggling and having the best of times, until Penelope was falling asleep where she sat.

Then the two other women wished her goodnight and promised they would come by the next chance they got.

…

It was only a month later and Penelope was getting progressively worse. She was no longer able to work with the team; in fact she could barely sit up by herself. Dave had paid for an in-home nurse to come so that Penelope wouldn't have to spend her remaining days in the hospital. She was now hooked up to tubes and machines, and had to be looked in on every few hours.

She was no longer going to chemotherapy as the doctor said there was nothing else that could be done for her and now they were all just waiting; she didn't have much time left.

Penelope's eyes blinked open as she felt a cool and welcome cloth being placed on her sweaty forehead.

She looked around and saw Aaron leaning over her.

"Sir?" she asked.

He smiled softly down at her "You know you don't have to call me Sir right?"

"Old…Habits," Penelope breathed out.

Aaron did his best not to let his sadness show as he saw just how hard it was for her to talk.

"…Others?" she asked.

"Downstairs," Aaron said.

Penelope tried to nod but her head could only manage a slight movement.

Aaron sat down on the bed beside her and picked up her hand.

"I just wanted to tell you Penelope, what an amazing member of our team you are and how glad I am to of had the pleasure to call you my friend."

Penelope felt a tear roll down her cheek and a moment later felt the soft pad of Aaron's thumb wiping it away.

'Don't cry," she told herself, her eyes closed tightly.

Aaron gently ran his thumb back and forth over her hand "Are you okay?" he asked.

Penelope looked up at him and he took in the sadness of her eyes.

Penelope breathed heavily "Sir…Aaron?" she asked, she knew all too well that her time was near and that was bringing some of her fears to the surface "Do you…think…that I," she had to stop and take in a deep breath "had…a good…life?"

"I know you did Penelope," Aaron said pain for his friend filling his voice; he hated to see her this way "You're one of the bravest, loving, most caring souls that I have ever known. You spent almost every day of your adult life devoting your time to catching the bad guys and putting them away just so that everyone else could live without fear. You're amazing, and selfless and beautiful. You brought something to this team that it hadn't seen in years. Love and compassion, showing us that there really truly was still good in the world. You are the best godmother that Henry or Jack could ever have and I don't know how the team will function without you."

Penelope did her best to fight back the tears, she had never received such nice complements and coming from Aaron, who almost always kept his feelings to himself, was extra touching.

She looked him in the eyes and squeezed his hand "Keep…them…strong."

Penelope's heart broke as she saw a single tear roll down Aaron's cheek "I promise you I'll do my very best."

Then he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the top of her head.

"Boss Man?" Penelope said trying for a smile "I'll…miss you…too."

She saw him trying to control his expression and smiled at him. She couldn't help but yawn a moment later and Aaron gave her hand one last squeeze "I'll leave you to get some rest."

…

That night Dave came into her room "Ah cara, how are you doing?"

Her eyes heavily lidded Penelope looked up at him, she tried to smile as she was too tired to talk.

He came over to the bed "That bad huh?" he asked, trying to hide the fear he felt for her.

Penelope closed her eyes and then blinked back up at him.

"I guess I should leave you to get some sleep," he said but Penelope's hand reached out quickly to grab his own, the small movement taking the little energy she had out of her.

He looked down at her concerned as her body slumped.

"Stay…please," was all she could get out.

Dave nodded, knowing just how much she needed him.

Penelope rolled over slightly to give him room to join her on the bed, she could almost feel her life slipping away from her and she didn't want to be by herself that night.

Dave gently lay down beside her so that they were face to face. He held her hand and she fell asleep looking into his eyes.

…

Later in the night Penelope woke up as pain exploded through her chest, her breathing was harsh and her fingers fisted the sheets below her as tears slid down her face.

She felt Dave move beside her and then his hand was on her shoulder. "Penelope?" he asked frantically "are you okay?"

She couldn't answer, the pain was too strong, her breath too harsh.

She felt Dave get out of the bed as he ran down the hall for the nurse.

She came in and checked Penelope.

Penelope felt her soft touches but they were barely there, she felt her heart calming down and could only hear murmuring around her. The pain was still there but it was only a dull throb. Her breathing was slowing and she just knew that it would be soon.

"I think this is it," the nurse told Dave as she finished checking Penelope "she may have a few hours left, if that. You should call her friends and family so that they can say goodbye."

Dave ran a hand through his hair as he looked over at Penelope's almost lifeless body lying on the bed, the only sound in the room being her loud breathing.

He pulled out his cell phone and speed dialed Aaron's number. He answered on the first ring, almost like he had been waiting for the call.

"It's time isn't it?" he asked Dave before the older man could say anything.

"Yes," Dave breathed out.

"I'm on my way."

…

Half an hour later and the whole team was gathered around Penelope's bed. Derek was sitting by her head, holding one of her hands. JJ was on the other side holding the other. Emily was leaning against Spencer beside JJ. Rossi sat by Penelope's feet across from them and Aaron stood at the end of the bed one of his hands resting on Penelope's feet.

They all cried as they listened to Penelope's breathing.

Penelope felt their presence with her and could hear them talking softly to her. Her breath hitched as it got harder and harder for her to breath. She was trying to hold on for them, she didn't want to leave them.

She heard a deep voice that sounded like Aaron's telling her that it was okay and that she could let go, that they wouldn't leave her.

Then there was a familiar kiss placed on her forehead and she felt as a tear drop landed on her cheek only to be wiped away a second later.

She was loved and one day she would see them all again.

She took her finale breath.

She was embraced by warmth and saw a light. She felt like her old self again, she could breathe normally and there was no longer any pain. She took a deep breath and stepped into the light. She didn't look back, she felt no fear.

She was finally at peace.


End file.
